Hetalia Chat!
by MewMewLes
Summary: Random chats that me and my friend have while we role play.  Stupid plot added  Me: America, Korea, Hungary, Switzerland, Canada  Froggy: England, Prussia, Austria, Japan, France
1. Texting Countries

**HEY! Its my birthday today and a few days ago I decided to put me and my friend 'Froggy's texts and skypes into a fanfic. So as my present to you, I give you our texts and skypes in two chapters. **

**This fic will be like a Sasusaku fic called 'Disjunction' labled complete but still being updated because we don't know if it'll ever end.**

**FYI. Bold is texts or skypes that are written by me, and the regular ones by my friend. underlined ones are my signature that I'm only putting for America.**

**ME: America (Alfred F. Jones), Hungary (Elizabeta Herdevary), Switzerland (Vash Zwingili), South Korea (Im Yong Soo), and Canada (Mathew Williams)**

**'Froggy': England (Arthur Kirkland), Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt), Japan (Kiku Honda), Austria (Roderich Edelstein), and unfortuately on occasion, France (Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Some characters might be a bit OOC but its just cuz we're like that. (Isn't that right Froggy?)**

**Towards the end it's actually a conversation on skype, but I wanted to end it where it would make sense. The skype part actually started where Canada was asking England if he was talking to him. BTW the third chapter is currently in editing (A japan and korea skype & text with a China appearance).**

**

* * *

**

Hetalia Chat

**Texting: And Why Texting and Invading is BAD**

* * *

England was enjoying a cup of tea when the doorbell rang

"Who in the bloody hell would be visiting me today?" He though aloud.

"THE AWESOME ME! NOW OPEN UP!" Screamed a voice from behind the door.

"Bloody hell…" England muttered.

"Lord Kirkland," He rolled his eyes, only Roderich Edelstein, AKA Austria would call him that "please let us in, it's very cold out here."

"E-e-england-san." He recognized the Japanese man's voice. "L-l-l-. What Austria-san said." He heard his teeth chattering.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." England called as he walked towards the door.

"Well hurry up!" yelled the former nation.

As he opened the door, he blocked the entrance from his uninvited guests.

"If I find anything broken or damaged, I won't hesitate to kill you." He said, glaring at Prussia, who rolled his eyes.

"The only thing I'd want to break is your entire kitchen." The albino smirked. "Maybe then you wouldn't 'grace' us with your horrible cooking. Hisshehehe~!"

"Shut up you bloody git!" yelled the former pirate, as he hit the Prussian with a copy of Sherlock Holmes.

* * *

Now across the Atlantic, something similar was happening to the two North American brothers.

"Hey Matt!" The American called out to his brother across the living room. "Do you think it would be a good idea to put maple syrup on a burger?"

"I wouldn't think so." The Canadian replied. "Oh, and Cuba said he hates you."

"That's good news." America replied, not really listening.

The Canadian sighed at his older brother. He never did listen to most of the things people said, especially news concerning the hatred some other countries bore because of him. That, and news concerning France or Prussia raping everyone, that was the worst. Lucky bastard was able to block it out unless it was right in front of him.

The doorbell rang and the two heard a voice on the other side.

"I'm just saying Elizabeta-san, frying pans were invented in Korea." The sentence itself identified its speaker; South Korea.

"And I'm just saying that if you don't shut up, I'll hit you with your so-called invention." The two brothers already knew it was one of the few female countries. More specifically, the former tomboy & current yaoi-lover, Hungary.

"And now I'm saying that if you two don't stop debating on the origins of cooking supplies, I'll shoot y-I'll be quiet now." It was obviously the mass-weapon-producing country, Switzerland.

The brothers opened the door for their friends and they walked inside their house.

"So, um, ca-" Canada was suddenly interrupted by his loud older brother.

"Why are you all here?" He demanded.

"Alfred! Don't say it so rudely!" The Canadian then proceeded to hit is older brother upside the head.

"No, it's alright, I suppose it was rude of us to appear so suddenly." Hungary said in a gentle voice.

"I don't know why she brought _him_ along though." The Swiss man muttered.

"I was going to end up here anyways." The Korean said happily, Vash scoffed at him.

"Why is that?" Canada asked.

"Kiku, Gilbert and Roderich are at Arthur's house and the first three demanded we come here and start a damn chat." Switzerland growled out Austria's name in false hatred.

"Well," America laughed, "at least it wasn't 'the bad touch trio'!" they all laughed at the thought of France, Spain and Prussia invading England's house.

"But there's one problem." Hungary sighed. They all looked at her. "Prussia and vital regions up for grabs, I'm sure we all see the problem."

"Shit." Cursed America, who apparently got some of the former pirates foul mouth.

All of their phones rang at the same time.

"Their all insane." Canada muttered.

They were using video share. (0)_(0)

* * *

**Put a banana in your ear Igirisu! ~America**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

**Gilbert Beilschmidt,**

**Give him back his vital regions. (You know what I mean)**

**-Elizabeta Herdevary (Hungary)**

**Your kanji were totally invented in Korea, Kiku.**

**-Im Yong Soo (South Korea)**

**Roderich,**

**Don't ever set foot in Swiss territory…EVER!**

**-Vash Zwingili (Switzerland)**

**England,**

**Dude, South Korea, Hungary, and Switzerland are in my house and they keep using my phone. …GET THEM OUT! PLEASE!**

**-The most awsm country EVA**

**p.s. r Prussia, Austria, & Japan rlly ur hous 2?**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

-W-

**THEY WONT LEAVE!**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

Gilbert: …D *invades his vital regions*

**Elizabeta: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING! *frying pan of doom***

**Prussia, dude, can u tell England to put a banana in his ear?**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

**Switzerland: *shotgun***

P: Hjg.d.d.j..ajmwdjgjg,

**Elizabeta: *facepalm* ur still an idiot…a pervy idiot…**

. Says the yaoi lover!

**Elizabeta: WHY YOU SON OF A BI-KOREA I NEED MY CHAINSAW BACK!**

**Im Yong Soo: *hands over chainsaw*… Kiku's breasts are mine…**

P: ….*commits yaoi* w/ Austria

A: ! D/.

J: h-huh?

**Alfred: gawd… just wait till I log onto skype w/ all these people…OHGODWHY!**

**SW: *resisting urge to shoot everyone***

P: *rapes vash*

**H: …u gonna rape every1 or sumthin?**

**A: *leavin 4 burgr break***

P: aha… austrilla like it!

**SK:u know..rape wa-**

**H: no one cares… Australia? Y u rapin koala country?**

A: h-hu?

**A: *right b4 leavin* Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband, cuz prussia's rapin ever1 out ther!**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

**H: …poor Austria…**

**H: *frying pan* NOW YOU DIE!**

P: its not raep if they lyke it!

A: orz

**SK: FRYING PANS WERE INVENTED IN KOREA!**

J: ….no…china…

**SW: …wha-**

**SK: YOUR BREASTS ARE MINE KIKU!**

J: mmk… =W= I love u too…

**A: England, remember on skype last night, and sum1 was lyk "Hello, hav u seen mah tooth?" …it was Sealand …DON'T HURT MEH! TEXAS AND WALL STREET CANT TAKE ANOTHER HIT LYK THAT!**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

E: *falcon pawnch*

**A: OHMYGAWDICECREAM! *somehow unintentionally dodges***

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

**H, SW, SK: ? THE HELL?**

E: *teardrop* I taught him well.

**A: *stares at England in confusion* *saying things while eating ice cream***

E: …

**SK: ice cream was totally invented in Korea…**

**SW: I…can't…find…shotgun…**

J: …Lies.

P: *ate it*

**A: THAT WAS MINE! (A/N: Prussia ate the gun & America's Ice cream) IMA GO NINJA ON U!**

J: Ninjas are from Japan…

**SK: NINJAS WERE INVENTED IN KOREA!**

**Kiku, if u object, I'll show England, America, and Hungary…THOSE pictures…**

**A: *skeptical* …what pictures?**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

J: *objects anyways*

P: pictures of his capitals

**SK: JAPAN MADE THESE YAOI DOUJINSHI! … AND WHATEVER PRUSSIA SAID! *shows***

P: go japan.

**A: …Japan…ermmmm…..**

J: a-ah? Yes?

**A: *speechless* **

**H: *awe* can I have this? **

**H: I WANT THEM!**

J: sure.

P: perv~!

**SK: you kn-…you know what, those things originated in Japan lol**

J: …no.

**SK: Then why r the originals written in Japanese?**

J: ….*gropes*

**SK: GAH! WHY NII-CHAN DESU~!**

J: …because.

**H: *drools***

**A: Hey England! France never answered my question… what's a cold? **

J: …

E: …

**A: WAH! NOT U 2!**

All: …

**A: Great, first I had stupid pasta instead of a cheese burger and now this?**

P: *stares at aust*

A: …?

P: …*strips aust*

A: …? D/

**A: …and now that…**

E: this is normal…

**A: I kno-she took my camera…**

**H: *taking pictures***

F: *joins in* oho! Work it!

A: nggh! Not ther3!

P: *thrust*

**C: a-a-america… w-w-wa-**

**A: just don't ask mattie, just don't ask**

**Alfred F. Jones – America**

"**IM THE HERO!"**

**Awesomer than Prussia**

F: oh~! Iggy my lovely prosta- **(A/N: He somehow texted all of them.)**

E: *punted*

**A: Matt.**

**C: hm? What is it brother?**

**A: ive just been mentally scarred…again**

E: you heard nothing

**A: liar… this is like last time when France called u a 'former delinquent' **

E: objection!

**C: w-w-we shouldn't fi-**

**A: isn't that austrias line? And btw OVERRULED!**

A: *comes*

**C: why does no one listen to me?**

**A: LOLZ! ENGLANDS A POLE DANCER ON YOUTUBE!**

E: stranger. Im listening

**A: r u talking to Canada?**

**C: …**

**C: mr. kumakichi, was he talking to me?**

**K: hm? Who are you**

**C: I'm Canada!**

**C:Mr. England, were u talking to me?**

**A: I think he was talking to his imaginary fairy friends...**

**A: Thank god we don't even live near Europe**

E: Yes I was talking to you.

**A: omg, someone but me and France actually noticed my little brother's pressence**

**A: and I fail at spelling -_-**

A: spelling?

**C: I think he meant how he thinks he spelt presence wrong**

**C: It has an extra 's'**

A: alright. who are you?

**C: I'm Canada**

**A: You know, the guy who held the 2010 Vancouver Olymics?**

**A:...*cough*and beat me at hockey*cough*...**

**C:YAY!**

A: Oh ya

**A: Im suddenly worried for you Canada.**


	2. Skype Shows No Remorse

**HEY! Its my birthday today and a few days ago I decided to put me and my friend 'Froggy's texts and skypes into a fanfic. So as my present to you, I give you our texts and skypes in two chapters. **

**This fic will be like a Sasusaku fic called 'Disjunction' labled complete but still being updated because we don't know if it'll ever end.**

**FYI. Bold is texts or skypes that are written by me, and the regular ones by my friend. underlined ones are my signature that I'm only putting for America.**

**ME: America (Alfred F. Jones), Hungary (Elizabeta Herdevary), Switzerland (Vash Zwingili), South Korea (Im Yong Soo), and Canada (Mathew Williams)**

**'Froggy': England (Arthur Kirkland), Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt), Japan (Kiku Honda), Austria (Roderich Edelstein), and unfortuately on occasion, France (Francis Bonnefoy)**

**Some characters might be a bit OOC but its just cuz we're like that. (Isn't that right Froggy?)**

**I just noticed how much crap the plot is. But this is like the abridging of Haruhi Suzumiya, there is no fucking plot! LOL**

**

* * *

**

Hetalia Chat

**Skype: And Why You Shouldn't Let Anyone on YouTube at This Time **

**(Especially America)**

**

* * *

**

If any of you are wondering why the five nations agreed to go through the trouble of going to the twins' home, it was because the albino threatened to invade their vital regions. And as for why our modest Japanese man and our noble Austrian agreed to this, was because of the same reason. That, and Prussia threatened to lock Kiku in a room with a certain groping Korean, and proceed to tell that man's twin brother.

"Hisshehehe~! We should bring this online!" Prussia shouted.

"And why should we do that?" Austria was obviously still mad that Gilbert raped him.

"Because it's more fun that way!" The Prussian laughed.

"This is very inappropriate." Kiku said, still flustered over the doujinshi that Im Yong Soo had revealed, and the other form of black mail.

"Says the man who got caught showing his capital." Prussia laughed again.

"Honestly, can't I just kick that bloody git out of my house?" Said the Britt.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY WANT TO GO ON SKYPE NOW?" Yelled the loudest nation...EVER.

"It means we have to go on skype." Switzerland sighed.

"But, what happens if we don't?" Canada asked.

"Then Prussia makes a visit to Florida and Nova Scotia." The brothers grew quiet.

* * *

"Ohon hon hon~!" The Frenchman burst through the Britt's door.

"What the bloody fucking hell are you doing here you wine-loving bastard!" The so-called gentleman yelled.

"_Angleterre_, I am here because _La Prusse_ invited me, _N'est-ce pas regrettable que c'est vous que je suis obligé de courir en? _(Isn't it unfortunate that it is you that I am forced to run into ?)

"Why don't you speak some English YOU BLOODY GIT!" He yelled."

"_Quelle chance qu'il vous __vous dérange, non? _(How fortunate that it upsets you, no ?) " France smiled.

"I hate you SO MUCH!" The Britt yelled.

Prussia, who knew how to speak French due to the War of the Austrian Succession, laughed at the poor Britt, who was ready to kick them both out.

* * *

F: Oho~ *RAPES EVERYONE*

**C: FRANCE!**

**H: Oh god he's worse than prussia..speaking of god *smacks france with a skillet***

**SW: is he dead yet?**

F: *TWITCH*

**C: I don't think so**

**C: *gasp***

**A: What? *reads* ITS ALL YOUR FAULT ENGLAND!**

E: *PUNT*

**A: ...no one**

**A: ...no ones even going to ask wats england's fault?**

**C: "Canada is one of the Allied Forces during the second world war, is the third strongest western power, and contributed a lot in the war, but being under so much British influence much of Canada's efforts were considered British efforts, which can be considered a contribution to Canada's invisibility."**

**A: and that's why it's england's fault**

**A: *fart***

ALL: *DIES*

**A:... u kno I was lieing about the fart right?**

ALL: *STILL DEAD*

**SK: UNICORNS WERE INVENTED IN-**

**A: ENGLAND! THEY WERE INVENTED IN ENGLAN!**

**d**

**..**

**A: shit**

E: GOOD.

J:...*Yaoi with SK*

**C: but, alfred, you said unicorns don't exis-**

**A: IN AUSTRAILIA!**

**A: UNICORNS ONLY EXIST IN ENGLAND**

E: ;A;

**H: ... r u okay America?**

**A: Do you want everyone to die again?**

**H:...**

**A: okay, france and prussia can die**

**H: :)**

**C: But in the great depression, f-**

**A: Do i need to get my chainsaw mattie?**

**A: Hey... guess what?**

**SW: this isn't good**

**SK: Guessing was invented in korea**

J: *PUNTS*

**H: Should we even listen to him? he's only 16...**

**SW: And to think we put our fate in the hands of those three. *looks at South Korea, America & Canada***

**A: GUESS WHAT!**

E: what?

**A: give me a sec**

**C: *looks* ALFRED!**

**A: What?**

**A: It's funny**

**C: its insulting to germans and bananas**

**A: Its just...nvm im not spoiling it**

E:...

**A: Unicorns originally sang this**

**.com/watch?v=zdQHBLVI4Lo (A/N: it's the video: put a banana in your ear doitsu!)**

**A: **

**A: the title's pretty self explaitory. "Put a banana in your ear, doitsu!~"**

**A: OH MY GOD!**

**C: d-d-don't say it...**

**A: AUSTRIA LIKES TURTLES?**

**C:...oh here's something.**

**SK: what?**

**C: Korea Accuses China**

J: *GROPES SK*

**H: Greece and the Box of Kitten- wait what were the side-effects?**

**SW: sneezing, tiny scratches, and... ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION?**

**SK: whos in the video?**

**A: greece, turkey and...JAPAN!**

**H: Why are you watching austria-san say "awawawawawa" for 10 min?**

**A&C: I...don't...know**

**ALL: !**

**(A/N: they were watching this: ./watch?v=CjzpTtQQF3U&feature=related )**

J:...

**ALL: *died inside***

**C&SK: *fainted***

**A: someone tell me why we watched prussia dance like that?**

**A: it's worse than mexico on cindo den mayonnaise **

**C: don't you mean cinco de mayo?**

**A: im more concerned on what he's gonna smuggle next; people or drugs**

P: Both~

**A: most likely**

**H: ALL IN FAVOR THAT ENGLAND LOOKS FUNNY IN A PIRATE SUIT SAY I!**

**ALL: I!**

E: I

**A: **

**A:...why the hell did u say u look funny in a pirate suit england?**

**A: Did ur brothers or france drop u too? (A/N: inside joke)**

E:...*HATED THAT ITCHY CLOTHES*

**A: France said u tried to grow long hair**

**A: then he sent me something...**

E: ….?

**A:its just a picture of u...as a pirate...**

E:...

**H: that's why I was all lyk "england looks funny"**

**SK: Pirate-*tackled by switzerland***

**A: So...austria, do u like turles?**

**A: Turtles?**

**A: HELLLLOOOOO?**

**

* * *

**

"You're not even going to respond are you, Austria-san?"

"..."

"bloody hell?"

"Hisheshesheshe~! He's finally losts his pride!"

"Did not."

"I am afraid that you did _L'Autriche. _But _grand frère (big brother)_ thinks that you lost it when _Allemagne (Germany)_ annexed your house. ohon hon~!"

"Bollocks! Check that picture you took of the two of you at the time again, frog-face. You look like a half-assed dimwit you wine-loving bastard."

* * *

"So... Hungary..."

"?"

"Does your ex-husband like turtles?"

"..."

"..."

"... *facepalm*"

* * *

Poor little Mathew... He has a dimwit brother.


End file.
